kawherp

I dragged myself to the gym tonight to do my physical therapy for my knees (Patellar femoral syndrome) and started with a brisk walk on the treadmill. I turned on the TV to distract myself, because I hate exercise with a passion. I don't get an endorphin rush. I don't feel better when I'm done. I start tired and grumpy; I end up tired, grumpy, and sweaty.

So there I am, trying to put my brain somewhere else, and Civil War is playing. I watch the scene where Tony tries to get Steve to sign by showing him the pens. All I felt was sad. Due to technical difficulties with the equipment, I had to move to a different treadmill, got myself set up, and watched Bucky respond to the trigger words. I was done. I changed the channel.

I adore Steve Rogers. I think Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, and the rest of the cast did a phenomenal job in their performances. I saw the movie in the theater and have not seen it since. I've put the first two cap movies on when I need a distraction from paperwork sorting or other Chores of Adulting. I've never done that with Civil War or the movies that followed.

I realized why. Civil War left us without hope. The team was broken. Bucky went back to cryo. Steve is floundering and lost. This is not a happy ending. I want happy endings. Infinity Wars continued this trend, and Endgame? Don't get me started.

I want my fiction to be better than real life. In the First Avenger, we see Steve lost and confused in this new world, but I don't see him without hope. At the end if Winter Solder, we see Bucky in the museum, starting to remember. Steve is going to search for him. He has a new friend (Sam). Steve has bonds with the team, including Natasha. There is hope that things are going to be better going forward.

Real life is damn hard. Bad things happen and we all die in the end. Happy endings are temporary at best, but special when we find them. My life is rich, and I'm content. But in my entertainment, I want more than a heavy dose of the same. I want to see my heroes go through hell, like I often do, and emerge triumphant, wiser, kinder, and stronger. I want them to emerge victorious and see them rewarded for doing the right thing because it often means doing the hard thing.

Civil War is a wet blanket of reality with flashy costumes. That's not entertaining to me. It's simply depressing. I can get that by reading the news.

In my head canon, these characters do better. I, the writer of their story, treat them better in the end. I put them though worse, but they emerge triumphant.

I'm not alone in this, based on so much of the fan fiction I read. Why can't the writers of canon understand that super hero movies come with this in the unwritten contract with fans? Put them though hell and show them overcoming the challenges.

Before today, I thought canon ended right before Infinity Wars. For me, I now realize it ends before that. This makes me sad.